It's your age! Or is it?.....

As another year passes, is it really our years that determines how well we are?

 Many clients come to me and tell me that their problem is due to their age.  If it is a knee problem for example then I have the following story to tell them: an 70 year old lady goes to the doctor with knee pain on her right side.  The doctor says well it's your age!  She sais, well my left knee is the same age and that doesn't hurt!

Research is showing more and more that what we think, how we perceive ourselves (often based on how others see us), which is what we believe, affects our well being and our physical health. Even to the point that it affects our age.

This body - mind connection is well known in the use of the placebo effect but those of the nocebo effect are much more powerful in my view.

As the article below mentions becoming mindful not of our breathing but of our thoughts, habits and what we have accepted to be true so far without questioning is the way forward for all our health.

This is key to my Body~Mind Coaching sessions.  I ask lots of questions and offer different perspectives that make my clients think (making them more mindful) and that can help them change their expectations of how well they could really feel. The process also helps them feel physically different which can re-enforce a new belief about themselves that feeling better is possible.

Read more about the studies and the fascinating results on perceived age, eyesight, the immune system and general well being.

So you might want to ask yourself: what am I ready to question, challenge and let go of to make next year the one where you turn your life around and live to your full potential?  

If you can do that on your own that that is brilliant, if you want help with the process then contact me and I would be happy to go through it with you.  Have a happy New Year and a fantastic 2015!

Do you want to feel heard!

Do you feel you children, partner, work colleagues, parents are not listening to the advice you are giving them? Here is a helpful article I came across today. If you want even more, then you might want to read Non violent communication by Marshall Rosenberg or watch this interview and more of his videos.    Are You “Should-ing” All Over Everyone? 3 Easy Ways for People to Take On Your Advice “Now, what you should do is…”  “Well, it’s obvious, you should do this, then you should do that and then you should tell them you’ve done it”. Should do.  What you should do and what you want to and actually do are often very different things.  Even if the advice we’ve been given is spot on, the fact that we’ve been told we ‘should’ do it is often the very reason we don’t follow it or take it on.  So if that’s the reaction we have, it’s the reaction that others will have when we ‘should’ all over them.  Hmmm. There’s something innately irritating to be told we should be doing something.  It implies – this is the subtle, savvy part to understand – it implies that we’re not doing something right and that the other person is wiser that we are.  It’s implicit that we’ve missed a trick and they haven’t.  That they know better exactly what will work for us. Grrrrr.  That's the feeling that so often comes up.  Well, in reality, we know best – better than anyone – what works for us and as we all know, making a decision ourselves and then sticking to it is always more powerful than carrying out other people’s advice.  We own the outcome and, as such, are responsible for the result. (Or, in this case, response-able). One of the big pieces of being an influential business woman at work is putting across your ideas, suggestions, or advice and letting the other person decide for themselves how, and/or if, it will work for them.  It then becomes their decision, their action.  This principle applies just as effectively, if not more so, at home with our families and friends!  How many times have you said "Oh, you should just say.." at home and been met with a bored or stoney face? So, how do you get across your idea, suggestion, advice without 'shoulding' all over people by saying “what you should do is” or “I think you should…”? Here are 3 quick and easy ways which work, for you to try out: Start with “I’ve got an idea for you..” – this way you’re putting out that it’s only an idea and it’s for you to contemplate and understand if and how it will work.  By saying “I’ve got” you’re telling the other person “OK, I’m ready with something that I think you’ll want but it’s up to you what you do with it”. Say “Can I make a suggestion here?” – again, you’re putting across that you have something to offer and you want to get their buy-in before you just throw it at them.  9 times out of 10, if you’ve read the situation and your relationship correctly, the other person will say “yes please”.  Think aloud – “hmmm, that’s tricky, now I wonder if…” – you can hear (and feel) that you’re firstly empathising that they have an issue or something tricky going on ie, they’re not an idiot – and saying “I wonder if” is a pensive, non-confrontational way of offering your thought or suggestion. As with all of the 3 ideas above, avoiding the ‘should’ word once you start with these phrases is crucial.  Remember, by offering your thoughts in a less fixed way, you leave the other person open to taking on what you think but without your judgement (intentional or otherwise) behind it. So, can I make a suggestion here? Try these phrases on for size the next time you feel yourself about to say “well, you should” or “oh, it’s obvious, what you should do is…” You’ll notice the difference in how easily the other person's take on what you think and if they ignore you then at least they know you contributed your thoughts. Just like Snowy, my husband does, when it comes to my cooking - they have two choices. Take it. Or leave it. I bet they’ll take it more often than not!

"Article reproduced with permission of Kay White, Savvy & Influential Communication Expert and Mentor at www.kaywhite.com. Kay shows experienced - and often frustrated - business women (and very smart men) how to be heard and understood by accessorising their day-to-day interactions with subtle, influential phrases and words to make people sit up, listen and take action. Kay’s book, The A to Z of Being Understood is an international #1 Bestseller: http://amzn.to/kTJYdX< /a> and helps professionals make their voices heard and their conversations really count." To see any previous issues of this eZine or comment on an article, we're always interested to hear from you. Please go to www.kaywhite.com (you'll find the link to previous eZines on the Blog page, on the right)

What happens if you surrender

Surrendering does not mean giving up! With Body~Mind Coaching you experience what it feels like to surrender the weight of your arm for example and discover how much freer it feels and how you can then move it further and with less pain. This is one of the ways Body Mind Coaching is very different to massage. This enables you to take the benefits of the session home with you and benefit for much longer. 

I hope you enjoy this 10 min video where Eckhart Tolle talks about what surrender means in practical terms.
 


Have you ever surrendered and had an amazing experience because of it?  I would love to hear your story and sharing it with others might help them surrender more and help you trust you can do it more often.

Hayfever - help the natural way!

Here are things I have learned about hayfever which have helped me and I am now mostly symptom free.

 

I developed hay fever symptoms after getting Hep B vaccine (I had to have it to work as a carer) I was so bad it even kept me in bed.  Homeopathy helped a lot by getting rid of the side effects of the vaccine first then I got given a remedy specific to me. I still had to use most of the tips below to really clear it.

 

Watch you food: cow's milk and cheese are catarrh forming so cut them as much you can, (watch out for those tempting ice creams on sunny days! make some lollies from fruit smoothies instead (much better for your immune system too) You can use rice, almond, hazelnut oat milk which are now widely available in supermarkets. Wheat and soya can be problematic too so reduce these. 

If you have some nettle tea, make up a strong tea, as it helps has anti-histamine properties and you can or add a little lemon juice (cleansing) and honey (local if possible) and drink it. You can use young nettles in cooking - great for soup - (very similar to spinach)- remember to use rubber gloves to prepare them.

Avoid the caffeine, alcohol  and refined sugars as they trigger histamine release.

For the sore, itchy throat, here is what I do: A cup of hot apple juice (made with concentrated apple juice from my local health food store) with 1/2 a tea spoon of my spice mixture (This is pre mixed in a spice jar ready for use- 1ts of ground ginger, 1 of ground clove and 2 of ground cinnamon mix ready for use) stir and cuddle up somewhere comfy and rest.

To help balance the immune system: take Echinaforce (echinacea in liquid form from A.Vogel) especially if you are prone to colds and flue the rest of the year.  Bee propolis is good to take.

If it goes to your chest and you are coughing then you can also take Ivy thyme complex from the same company) Also read my earlier blog on clearing catarrh

For the runny nose you can take Luffa Complex by the same company.

All 3 can be taken with water together if necessary.

For the itchy eyes you can bathe them (with a clean egg cup if you don't have an eye bath)with cooled boiled water with a little bicarbonate soda added. Luffa complex mentioned above is also helpful for itchy eyes.

Read more on hayfever.

To tackle the root cause of the imbalance, you may want to consider what is irritating/ stressing you. You may find it is something you can't do much about (having to care for elderly parents, a situation at work) but you can still reduce the pressure you feel by checking in with yourself to see what would help ease this and do you best to state your needs clearly. (Make sure it is YOUR need, not what you want others to do, it is up to them how they respond to your need for example, I need to feel more supported- I need to rest -have a holiday...not I need you to cook dinner for me, do more round the house....- for more help with this find out about Marshall Rosenberg's Non Violent Communication or NVC)

Even if there is nothing you can do to change the situation, you can change how you view/perceive it. We often feel stressed because we feel out of control. In fact if you think about the situation you will realise that you are choosing to be there for some reason, often because not being there seems worse - putting parents into a care home , being out of work for example. By accepting that you have some choice in the matter can reduce your stress levels.

You might find having a good scream in a pillow and beating it (or beat the punch bag at the gym while thinking of your stressful situation) can help you release that frustration - better out than in.

If this isn't enough to create a shift then EMDR - Eye Movement Desensitisation and Reprocessing- helps to reframe your situation and give you perspective. You can also watch these videos of how EMDR works on my channel playlist . 

Your body is letting you know something is out of balance so take more time to listen to it. We often spend too much time doing, not enough time being, resting, contemplating our achievements or just being grateful.  Allow yourself to be! Read more about stress and its effects

If none of this has helped, alternative therapies for you to consider are Homoeopathy, Acupuncture, Kinesiology or BodyTalk

I hope these help and please share what works for you and let me know if you would like to use EMDR to reduce your stress levels.

How to improve confidence

For me, body and mind are not disconnected parts of us that can be dealt with independently.  Body and mind are actually one Body~Mind unit interconnected and this 20 min video shows you how much that is true.
Body language affects how others see us, but it can also change how we see ourselves. Social psychologist Amy Cuddy shows how! Posture can affect testosterone and cortisol levels in the brain, and might even have an impact on our chances for success.

Let me know on a 0 to10 scale how confident you feel in the comments below.
If you want help improving that score or your posture or both of course then contact me for a free 30 min taster session.

The secrets of language!

Watch the video for a different take on the use of language.
I help client re-phrase their desired outcomes or goals from sessions as they often don't know how to phrase what they really want. They can tell me what they don't want and this makes it difficult for them to achieve their real desired goal. Language is very powerful so watch what you say and what it really means.  For example, I don't think of what I do as work but as play, in the way that a child learns through play and exploration. This is because work implies effort and this is the opposite of what I want to achieve in the muscles when I want them to relax, I want softness, ease and freedom.
When you understand how the everyday language you use can keep you trapped in a life you don't fully want and begin to re-phrase things, it is much easier to change it.  It does take awareness discipline though to stop saying things like "I want a break" and say "I want a rest" instead.

Enjoy observing yourself and let me know what phrases or words you used and how you have changed them. If you don't know how to change them let me know in the comment box below and I will see if I can come up with something for you. Have fun!

Get rid of catarrh with a bottle of water and a straw! Easy tip

I have been looking after my mother since she broke her hip skiing.
After my first night there, she had been coughing during the night, and woke complaining that she had a lot of catarrh stuck at the back of her nose and throat. When she blew her nose it had no effect.

I decided to test one of the exercises I had seen, while I was training as a nurse. This was used in the hospital by the physiotherapists for post-operative care to reduce the risk of lung infections.

It consists of a large bottle almost full of water and a pipe. The best I could do to replicate this was a 2 L bottle of water and a straw. I gave it to my mother and said: breathe in through your nose, then blow out through the straw that is as deep in the water as possible. Do this about 10x3 times a day.

That night I notice she had not been coughing much. When I got to see her in the morning she declared the catarrh had cleared.

The reason this works is because your body produces catarrh to fight chronic hyperventilation which occurs when most of the breathing is done through the mouth rather than the nose. Breathing against the pressure of the water also ensures the lungs function better.

This particular practice along with square breathing (as described in my blog about sleep) is also helpful for conditions such as asthma and other chest complaints. Cutting down on cow's milk and taking garlic are also helpful. For chesty coughs then Bronchosan A Vogel remedy is also helpful

To find out more about how breathing affects many aspects of your health, you can also learn about the Buteyko method. 

If you have any other tips for breathing then please share them in the comment box, thank you.

3 tips for better sleep.

Good quality sleep is important to feel well and be able to function properly during the day. I hear so many people say they can't remember things, they loose their temper and even thought they don't like something, can't really be bothered to do anything to change it. These can be a sign of sleep deprivation. When you are well rested, you can think more clearly, plan you day, get things done more quickly and will feel less stressed.

Here are 3 tips to help you get better sleep:
1) Plan your food and drink intake so you are not having coffee, tea, chocolate, coke and other pick me up drinks after 2pm and eat 4h before going to bed.
2) Have a bed time routine, this will train your brain that you are going to be going to bed. Here are some ideas of what your evening could be like: Write down any unfinished business you need to attend to the next day so you can let your brain rest rather than churn over it in bed. Switch off phones, computers and tablets at least 1hr before bed time. Avoid exciting movies just before bed, watch them early and then read for example. Get changed, brush your teeth and keep lights to a minimum (ideal if you have dimmer switches or bed side light.  Do some stretching, relaxing or breathing. (not cardio exercises)

3) If your mind can't switch off you can practice 'square breathing' - breath in for a count of 4 pause for 4 out for 4 and pause for 4 so as you breath you can say in your head in 2,3,4, pause 2,3,4, out 2,3,4, pause 2,3,4, The slower you can count and keep the breathing in that rhythm the better.

This is one of the techniques I teach on my relaxation workshop (see below) and it is available on my relaxation CD designed specifically to help induce sleep.

Here is some more information that might help you:
Read more: March of the Sleep Deprived
Read more on making decisions and habits 

If you would like more help then sign up to my newsletter. You will know when the next relaxation workshop is and my next talk on Body~Mind Coaching  for stress relief using EMDR.  You can watch this video of how EMDR works.
 For one to one sessions contact me.

What are your sleeping tips?  I would love to know. You can share them anonymously in the comment box.  Look forward to hearing from you.

What chemicals are you prepared to use on your body?

Do you believe the media/ adds and glossy mags that tells you how you should look to look good?
What price are you paying for this kind of supposed beauty?  I don't mean in £ or $ I mean the price your health is paying for it in the long run. All these beauty products are usually full of parabens and all manner of other chemicals that cause cancer and other diseases. You can read more about this below and if you decide you want to change what you put on your skin then let me know there are lots of healthy alternatives I can suggest.

Sustainable Earth and Health: What Price, White Face?: Finally, we may perhaps be about to have a much longed-for backlash over skin whitening creams and, if we do, it’s not before time. An art... Click the link on the title to read the full article.

Sugar v Fat

If you didn't get to see the horizon program about sugar V fat last night, it is worth watching. There are some interesting and unexpected results about diabetes and how you won't loose much weight by cutting out fats or sugars. Here is the link www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/.../Horizon_20132014_Sugar_v_Fat/
What's worse for us: sugar or fat? Doctors Chris and Xand Van Tulleken investigate.
If your New Year's resolution was to lose weight then watching this is a must.

Happy New Year

I hope you had a nice festive season and that the western New Year has started well for you. If it hasn't you can start all over again with the Chinese New Year.

Year of the Horse

So what were your goals dreams and aspirations at the beginning of January? 

Have you taken any steps to make them come true? If you haven't then they will just remain dreams.

You must take action if you want things to change and in many cases you must take at least one different action, because as Henry Ford put it: If you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you've always got."

Now have a think.... what is it that is getting in the way of you taking that action?....  Fear? It usually is, either fear of failure or of success. The latter often surprises people but many either consciously or unconsciously wonder whether they can live up to success and deal with everything that comes with it. (More on fear of success)

Whichever it might be for you, if you want your dream to come true and you keep finding umpteen reasons why you can't start the change NOW then contact me for a free 30 min consultation (via skype, phone or in person).  I can show you how easily you can get rid of all the blocks, unhelpful beliefs and fears that are getting in the way of you making your dream a reality, so you can live the life you want, whatever that may be. Have a fantastic journey

Darwin Vs Freud, nature or nurture, biology or psychology

Just read an interesting article about epigenetics see link below.  It is not just through changing our genes that we can change, our genes can stay the same yet our characteristics change.

So to me, no matter what trait you have that is getting in the way of you living the life you want, it can be changed, you have to be willing though.

If you are willing to change and feel you need help then I would be glad to share ways that I have seen work over the last 20 years.

Dicover magazine article: Grandma's experiences leave a mark on your genes.

Feel great in 15 Minutes!

My friend from Holland sent me this video link in the best wishes to me for 2014.

It so happened, the day I watched it, I was feeling somewhat overwhelmed about the way forward for me.  What happened next surprised me, even with everything I know about the connection between the body and the mind and their powerful interaction. 

Having watched this video, although nothing had changed regarding the tasks I need to to do and still was no clearer about direction, I felt much better. It didn't matter so much that I felt I had lost my way, I was able to be OK with that and patient, waiting for the answer to become clear.

This is why I'm posting this link,  I hope it makes you feel great too whatever might be going on in your life. It's just 15 min long and it can change the whole feel of your day and who knows maybe your life. I hope you enjoy it.

This is what I would love to see hear or feel in everybody.

Watch this 15min video and see how you feel afterwards!
Smiling releases powerful chemicals in the body and it can change your life - see / feel for yourself!